Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
