Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
