I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
