if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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