I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
