I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
