she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
