do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
