He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
