Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i believe in u and ur pee
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
