Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
