we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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