got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
