i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
