you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
