i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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