the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
