you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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