I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
