Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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