never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
