If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
