I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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