Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He better not be in your backpack
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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