So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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