i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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