dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
