there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
