the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
