Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
