I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Terrible idea I love it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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