I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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