Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
