can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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