man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
