Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
