Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
