If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
