what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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