I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
