you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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