He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
