I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
