i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
