I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
