OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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