I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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