I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
