At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
