im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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