I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
