I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
