so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
