I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
