Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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