I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
