i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
