Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
