you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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