we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
