In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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